PETA joins Al Gore in call to Drill in ANWR

In a stunning reversal, PETA is joining me in a call to begin immediate oil drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge (ANWR).

It has become clear to all rational observers that global warming cannot be reversed in our lifetime. My estimates have sea levels rising 28 feet in the next fifteen years and average temperatures in our arctic regions rising by 7 degrees. This will have catastrophic effects on the native Caribou herds living on the north slope. It is not too late to reverse the plight of our large antlered brethren however. I have devised a plan that will offset the impact on ANWR and reverse the effects of massive CO2 loading on our planet. This plan requires two bold steps:

1. We must begin drilling quickly to remove the large reserve of petroleum below ANWR. This will cause a sinking of the tectonic plates which will initiate a higher level of induction below the Brooks range. The resulting increase in magma below the Brooks range should cause Denali to blow and spew large amounts of ash into the stratosphere. This will initiate the volcanic winter we need to drive North America into a mini ice-age and save our planet.

2. If Denali does not erupt as I have predicted it will (and I'm never wrong) we will be forced to initiate a massive current reversal induction system. We will sell the oil to our European allies to keep oil prices at a level high enough to force continued migration to ethanol and use the large proceeds to pay for a wind turbine driven under water propeller system in the north Atlantic to reverse the flow of the gulf stream and drop the temperatures in eastern Canada by 14 degrees. The resulting drop in temperature will achieve the same affect as Denali blowing up.

PETA has agreed with me that we must move quickly to begin phase I, drilling. The second option they are reluctant to join me on at this time for fear of the impact on phi do plankton dependent on the northbound gulf stream.

If we are unsuccessful in our efforts and mass extension begins in the Caribou herds, Tipper has put together a tasty recipe for sun dried Caribou haunch in Gin sauce.